Humor the Hedgehog
by SonicMach3
Summary: A bunch of one-shots made for laughs! Please R&R! Contains swearing, some adult references.
1. Drink Dilemma

Sonic sighed. There was nothing to _do_.

"Tails? Can you get me a drink?" Yelled the blue hedgehog unhappily.

"Get it yourself!" Responded Tails from somewhere upstairs.

Sonic groaned before getting up and trudging over to the kitchen. _'Boy, I sure could go for some Coke right now...'_ he thought to himself. The azure hero opened the fridge to find...

Lemonade.

"TAILS! You know I hate lemonade!" screeched Sonic angrily. "Why the hell did you buy lemonade!?" Sonic slammed the refrigerator shut, the whole thing rumbling from the force of it. Said fox kit ran downstairs, concerned about all of the noise. "Sonic, what's wr-" "WHY DID YOU GET LEMONADE?!" Sonic interrupted rudely.

"I...I didn't know you hated lemonade..." whimpered Tails, cowering slightly. "Yes you did!" Sonic responded. "I told you back in 2005! Why do you never remember anything important?!" "That was 12 years ago, Sonic! I'm only 8!" Cried Tails. "Damnit Tails, you know fully well that Sonic canon makes no sense! Get rid of this lemonade. _Now."_ The cereleum pincushion stomped out of the kitchen.

Tails stood there for a few seconds. He had two options. One, get rid of the lemonade, or two, hide it all. Looking wearily over his shoulder, Tails took a large garbage bag from out of a nearby drawer. He packed the drinks into the bag and lifted it over his shoulder. It was quite heavy, but nothing the kit couldn't manage. He walked out of the kitchen, passing by a pouting Sonic. "Tails, you're taking those out to the trash, _right?"_ Tails gulped. "Oh...uh, yeah. Out to the trash they go!" He laughed nervously. "Good. If I EVER find lemonade in this house again..." Sonic didn't have to finish his sentence. Tails walked hurriedly out of the door.

' _I can't just throw these away! But if I keep them in the house he'll find out...'_

Suddenly Tails had an idea. It wasn't a very good one, but it would have to do.

Tails opened the bag and took out the 8 bottles of lemonade that he had packed in there. He then proceeded to drink every single one.

He was sick for the next two days.


	2. Blaze's Day Off

"So...why are we here again, Amy?"

"Looking for Sonic, of course!" Amy responded happily.

Blaze sighed. She had finally managed to get to Sonic's dimension, and now she was being dragged around to a bunch of places. They had even spent a full two hours in the clothing store and Amy had bought new outfits for the two.

Blaze didn't quite understand why Amy had spent almost a thousand rings on expensive clothes when nobody in their universe ever changed their outfit anyways.

The guardian of the Sol Emeralds was quickly jolted out of her thoughts by Amy Rose's screaming.

 **"SONIC!"**

Sure enough, the blue hedgehog was standing on the opposite side of the road. He turned around, only to let out a cry of despair when he saw a love-struck Amy charging at him like a bull. Sonic let out an "Eep!" before dashing away. He was completely gone from sight in less than a second.

Amy came to a stop where Sonic had been standing only a few seconds earlier. She let out an angry huff and stomped her boots on the ground. "Why does he always run away?" she whined unhappily.

Blaze walked across the street hesitantly. She wouldn't want to get in the way if Amy had a meltdown. Her hammer looked like it could break someone's skull...

"Maybe you're uh...coming on a little too strong, Amy." said Blaze tentatively.

"Too...strong?" Amy looked at Blaze strangely. "Are you calling me a stalker?"

"Oh...uh, well, that's one way to put it-" the purple feline was interrupted when a hammer swung down and narrowly missed her. Blaze jumped away, thanking her cat-like reflexes. "I'm not a stalker! How would you know the correct way to win over a guy, anyways!? You're flat and nobody ever notices you! You probably never even had a boyfriend!" screeched Amy, swinging her Piko-Piko hammer around like a madman.

Blaze easily dodged Amy's mallet, jumping side to side. "Well, I do know some thi-wait, WHAT did you say I was!?" the pyrokinetic narrowed her eyes; fists engulfed in flames.

Before Blaze and Amy could charge at each other, a blue blur skidded to a halt next to them. "Hey, Blaze! Hey, Amy! Want some chilidogs?"

Both Amy and Blaze stared at Sonic.

"...you two on your periods?"


	3. Hey! I Worked For That Emerald!

Club Rouge only had two people in it at the moment. Rouge, of course, and Shadow.

"Rouge...you know I worked forever to get that emerald. Give it back." said the annoyed black and red hedgehog. "I don't want to have to take it from you."

Rouge tore her gaze away from the shiny green emerald she had in her gloved hands. "Finders keepers, hun. You shouldn't have left it on the counter if it was that important to you!"

"Damnit Rouge! It's _my Chaos Emerald._ Give it back!"

Shadow was quickly losing his patience with the jewel obsessed bat in front of him. How dare she just take his damn fourth Chaos Emerald!? What nerve!

"D'aww, Shadow...you wouldn't hit a _lady,_ now would you?" Rouge batted her eyes at the fuming ebony hedgehog.

The Ultimate Lifeform was done with Rouge's bullshit. He already had a hangover and she was only making his headache worse.

Shadow lunged at Rouge and punched her square in the jaw.

 **"Equal rights,** ** _bitch!"_**


End file.
